


Ask Your Husband Again

by KillJoy_Juniper



Series: Eruri Twitter Drabbles [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 18:25:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18665890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillJoy_Juniper/pseuds/KillJoy_Juniper
Summary: If only Levi had actually cut his legs off





	Ask Your Husband Again

The sun shines through the curtains but that doesn't wake Levi up. He hadn't even fallen asleep yet. Erwin snored softly next to him, Levi watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest. Rhythmic. Normally soothing. But today, it was terrifying. He had the worst feeling about it. The hairs on Erwin bare chest were golden in the rays. He studies them one by one, until he's gone over then a dozen times. He had the feeling this was the last time he would look at them. Erwin wouldn't be able to fight at 100%, they both knew it, but he didn't want to admit it.

  
Levi's chest tightened but he couldn't let himself start to cry, not if this was their last morning together. He wanted it to be soft, happy, loving - everything that Erwin was for him when no one was looking. Everything they couldn't be around other people. He ran his fingers over Erwin's chest, feeling the remainder of the man's left arm tighten over his shoulder blades. Erwin groaned and Levi watched as his eyes flickered open, electric blue coming into vision.

  
"Mmm, good morning." His voice was still thick with sleep, sexy.

  
Levi didn't respond and when Erwin looked at him he averted his eyes. He didn't want to look at them, he wouldn't. He couldn't because he would break if he did, he knew it. He would break down, become a lesser man, a man his husband didn’t know. A kind of man he didn't known could ever exist inside of him, one neither of then could be proud of. But Erwin noticed. How could he not?

"Levi?" The man was suddenly fully awake. Levi never dismissed his gaze, not is the most dangerous, embarrassing, or intimate of situations. "Levi, please look at me."

  
Levi shook his head but Erwin softly repositioned him, rolling over to his side and shimmying down until they were at eye level. Levi's eyes were pinned on his fingers which were between the, fingers fiddling against one another. He could feel the tightness underneath his skin. Levi could see nothing but blue and gold in his peripheral vision; that was enough. He felt himself tremble, bubbles aching to burst in his chest if he didn't let them out.

  
He tried hard not to, he really did but he failed. He failed just like he did at everything else in life. Levi had failed to save his friends, the squad members and soldiers alike that had become his family. He'd nearly failed to save Eren and in the process, he'd hurt himself, leading to his inability to help on the mission when Erwin lost his arm. He'd failed at being there. He'd failed at saving his husband from the pain of losing an arm. And then he'd nearly failed at saving him from losing his life. He imagined he'd fail at this, too, in fact he knew he would. And if he survived today he could add it to his list of failures.

  
When he felt the tears well in his eyes and the pain creak across his chest, Levi shoved his face against Erwin's chest.

  
"Whoa, whoa , whoa." Erwin's warm grasp immediately engulfed him, pulling him in deeper and making him feel like he was safe enough to let go. "What's wrong?"

  
"P-p-p..." He failed to even get the words out, all he could do was ruin the golden hair under his face with tears.

  
"Talk to me, babe. I'm right here. It's okay, everything is okay." But to that Levi shook his head also because, no, everything wasn't okay, none if this was okay.

  
"Pl-ple-please...please don't g-go." If the words weren't audible, he didn't care because he wouldn't repeat them ever, not to anyone.

  
"I can't stay." The words cut through him like he cut through titans, easy and without mercy. "You know I can't."

  
"But...you can!" Levi choked.

  
Erwin had never felt such a pain in his chest as he did now watching Levi cry against him, something he's only seen the amazing man do a few other times. When his friends died. When he made a grave for his mother. When he asked Levi to marry him. When they got married. And now here, in the comfort of their room. He new what Levi wanted except this time he was asking and not threatening him. But Levi also knew he couldn't just give him what he wanted this time. This was the one and only thing he couldn't freely give his husband.

  
"I can't, baby. You know that I can't." A hard sob wracked from Levi's chest and bounced between them, kicking against his own ribs.

  
"But why?" He pulled Levi closer, tried to make them one. "Everyone would understand if you did. Everyone. Please. Please for me."

  
_Please for me._

  
"Fuck, Levi, you know I'd do anything for you." An actual cry left the man's chest, a sound Erwin had never heard. "Baby, please."

  
"I'll do anything, just please stay here." Levi's eyes finally met him and it made his gasp.

  
The normal steel, dangerous globes were dull, red, and puffy but he would have never expected that sight to punch him as hard as it did, knocking the wind from his chest.

  
"Please. Please stay for me."

  
"Levi..." He threaded his hand through the black sleekness. "Levi please..."

  
"Just for me, n-n-n not for anyone else. Just me."

  
"Levi..." He felt his in own chest tighten. "Levi I can't out myself above anyone else, you know I can't. Those people are others' sons, husbands, mothers, and sisters. I just-"

  
"But can't you just do it for my husband?!" The words stopped Erwin's brain because he always tried to distance that part if them from their duty, it was the only way to do his job. It was the only way he could send Levi off on such dangerous missions without being asking _his husban_ d to stay home.

  
"Oh, Levi." He pressed a hard kiss to the man's forehead, nosing into his hair.

  
"Levi I'm going to be okay." He liked, they both knew it was a lie hut it was all he could say. "I love you so fucking much."

  
"I love you too, Erwin." Levi's arms snaked around his neck and their legs tangled together. "I can't lose you. It just-I feel...today..."

  
"How could anyone respect me after that?" Levi shrugged, his sobs had slowed but he was still spilling tears between them.

  
"Why does it matter?" Erwin wiped tears from his face. "We can do this. We can beat this mission. We can do it with you here."

  
Levi knew he was asking too much but at this point, with the way this day was probably going to go, he didn’t care anymore. He just wanted them to stay here, in this moment, in their bed, naked, away from the world.

"Please stay. I'll tell everyone I actually cut your legs off." They both chuckled.

  
"I could do it, knock you out first, so it wouldn't hurt." A fake smile draped across his face and Erwin could see through it still, like he always could.

  
"I'd love to let you do that but that'd be quite a long time of not being able to hold you like I like to."

  
Levi felt himself getting ready to cry again because _you also can't hold me if you're dead, you tall ass tree._

  
"You're so gorgeous when you think about maiming me to get me to do what you want." The smile on Erwin's face was so genuine and the light behind his eyes was so loving.

  
"I just wished it could work..." Levi sniffled against Erwin's palm as it soothed across his face.

  
Erwin took a deep sigh, a pregnant moment to survey the expanse of Levi's body and back up to his face.  
"You wouldn't hate me if I stayed behind? What is everyone else did?"

  
"Never." Levi framed Erwin's face in his hands as tears rolled down his face. "I could never hate you."  
Erwin choked on his own son and pressed into the openness of Levi's neck.

  
"What kind of Commander sends all of his soldiers to die without being there to go with them?"

  
Levi held Erwin close as he cried, Erwin did this often though neither of them would ever admit it. The way his blues looked rimmed in red skin was a sight only Levi himself had ever seen.

  
"The kind of Commander that loses his arm and still keeps fighting to bring them home." Levi whispered into his hair.

  
Erwin cries against him for a few more minutes and he even sheds a few more tears of his own. Erwin eventually calmed down, large quakes no longer wracking their bodies.

  
"Ask...ask me...ask me again." At that Levi's breath hitched. "Ask your husband to stay with you. Please."

  
Levi wishes that was how it would have gone . He wishes he could go back, somehow make the convincing that easy. He wishes they were still there, that they'd both skipped the mission. He wishes he wasn't here, in this moment, on this roof, holding his husband's hand as he died.

  
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." He didn't know if Erwin could hear him but the man smiled at him anyway. "I love you so much."

  
"Levi..." The light left Erwin's eyes and he gasped in a breath. "M-m-marry me..."

  
The smile lasted long after his last breath left his chest.

 


End file.
